the days are gone, they fly away...

Well, fall semester is quickly approaching, and I have a mix of disbelief, excitement, dread, and anxiety stirring within me. The anxiety isn't so much from the classes I'm taking or even school in general, but just the general anxiety that comes with the question 'how the heck am I going to fit all of my life into 24 hour days?' I'm not too worried about it, even though everyone looks at me like I'm crazy. I'm taking thirteen hours this semester (Bio, Child Development, Nutrition and Ecological Contexts) and working almost forty hours a week (between Canopy Oaks, Diva & Bear, and Holy Cross), and settling into apartment living, and even though everyone looks at me like I'm absolutely crazy, I am excited beyond belief. I know I can handle this. It's funny. People give me the crazy eye because they automatically think, 'when are you going to have time for FUN?' but what they don't understand is everything I have in my life is fun to me. Not one of my "jobs" feels like a job. I would choose to do these things even if I couldn't get paid. They're fun for me. And school, I like school. I enjoy taking classes and learning... and that's not to say I won't do other things as well... just, I like to keep busy, and I'm so blessed and fortunate to be able to keep busy with things I LOVE to do.

I saw Anna and Josh on Thursday afternoon. I met them and their mom for lunch at Chick fil-A. It was really so fun. I love those kids with all my heart, and I never realize how much I've missed them until I see their bright, shining faces again. It's amazing to me that when I first met the twins they were "awmost free!" and now they are bouncy four-year-olds. The change in their attitudes and behavior astounds me. They are looking more and more mature, and acting more and more mature. Anna is so much more confident than she was a year ago, and Joshua is much more inclusive... and talkative... and hyperactive. But he's amazing, and so is she, and I love the transformation they've gone through. They've really developed their own little personalities. I miss them, and I miss nannying for them, but where I am now is just incredible.

I started at Canopy Oaks again on Monday. I'd planned on not working their this year after I got the Holy Cross job, but a few weeks ago after working at Camp Araminta (which was incredible!) I decided it was where I needed to be. So I called Ms. Thomas and we worked out a schedule for me. And I've missed it so much. I got there Monday, and I was just so excited to see my kids. They're all so adorable and cute. I get to move up with my kindergartners to first grade, and that's really exciting. They've gotten a little worse behaved, but for the most part, my kids are good. And the new kindergartners are pretty good too, and I like them for the most part as well. We're having fun! It's good to see them all, and to work with Tyler again. It's fun to have that BFF time every day for four hours straight. :)

Holy Cross is going well. I did a lot of planning this week. We're doing The Gospel According to Dr. Seuss, and I'm really excited about it. Holy Cross itself is doing this thing called Financial Peace University--it's really exciting and fun. So a lot more kids are coming Wednesday nights because their parents are coming. So I have a wide plethora of ages and children to work with, which is challenging, but so, so fun. This week we're doing Bartholomew and the Oobleck (for the story) and we're talking about how Bartholomew Cubbins was a good friend to the King, and how God is a good friend to us because he helps us. Then we're going to make oobleck (so exciting!) and play fun games and make fun snacks and we're going over the story of the Good Samaritan (and watching the Veggie Tales that goes with it) and that's fun. I'm excited about where God is taking us this semester, and I'm so privileged to be a part of it.

Eva and Ben! Ahh, my kids! I love those two lil ones more than I think I've ever loved anyone in my life. I get there on Wednesday mornings and try to just soak up every minute I have with them because when 2:30 rolls around, I'm so sad to go home. They make my week every week. No matter what's going on in life or what I'm going through, those kids remain the light of my world. I can always count on Eva Diva for a laugh or nine. I can always count on Bear for a nice open mouthed kiss and some spit up. No, if Bear smiles once during the entire morning, it makes my week. Eva's random giggle fits make me laugh, and oh, this week she started saying my name, and I swear, there's nothing better than that. Ever. I love those kids. They're like a vacation away from the real world.

I was working at Camp Araminta this month, and it just felt so right. I forgot how much I've missed summer camp. I haven't gotten to go in any capacity for years, and when it was younger it was all I did. Now, it just feels so estranged, but going back felt so peaceful and at home. I've missed making memories, the campers, the focus on Christ, all of it... I can't wait to go back next year! I saw one of my kids, Sadie, the first day at Canopy Oaks, and it was just so, so good. God is definitely showing me where I'm supposed to be, and really tuning my loves and desires to match up with what He wants from me.

I feel somewhat far away from God right now, but I think we're just going through a rough patch. I've been praying more lately, slowly... I remember reading something in ninth grade about getting a watch that beeps on the hour and praying every time it beeps. I've been trying to do that. I figure if I do that, maybe I'll get to the point where I'll WANT to pray, and that'll be good... I've had things come up these past few weeks that have forced some prayer--that's one thing about me... I'm a prayer warrior. If I don't feel comfortable praying, there's definitely something wrong. Three weeks ago we were doing a prayer circle at bible study, and I just couldn't MAKE myself pray... That's when I realized how estranged God and I had become... but then things have happened in the past two weeks to friends of mine, and I've wanted to pray for them. So, even though those circumstances suck wholly, they've forced me to reexamine my relationship with Jesus and work on it a little bit.

"Give me your eyes for just one second; give me your eyes so I can see everything that I keep missing. Give me your love for humanity; give me your arms for the broken hearted, wasn't it far beyond my reach? Give me your heart for the once forgotten; give me your eyes so I can see. I want a second glance, so give me a second chance, to see the people the way you see them."